Chapter 61 - The Kraken Gate
Lieutenant Scott ran. I looked once at the place where my friend had been sitting, unable to fully comprehend what had just happened, but Ankush was gone. There was no possibility of him surviving that, and so I ran too. We snatched a couple of things up from the camp as we raced through it and away. What little bedding we had was lost, and most of our weapons, including the beautiful cutlass the Na-Su had commissioned for me. The water that we had so carefully collected was abandoned.
We ran headlong through the dark, as fast as we could. I lost count of the number of times I tripped and fell. I sprained all the fingers on my right hand in one bad landing. Benjamin went head first into some kind of bush that proved to be full of thorns. Had I discovered a way to harness the energy of blasphemy, I could have powered the Koulomb Gate for an entire cycle with his curses, yet still we ran.
We might have been heading straight into the arms of more of the monsters, for all we knew, but what we did know was that one of them was behind us, and so we put as much distance as we could between it and us. The shock of Ankush’s death caught up with me as we fled. My knees went weak as I threw up, but I barely broke my stride.
Finally, Benjamin caught my arm and made me stop. For a long time, the only sound I could hear was our stentorian breathing and the pounding of the blood in my veins. When quiet returned, there was nothing. No animals of any kind nearby. No scuttling in the dark or rustling of vegetation.
‘I don’t like it,’ said Benjamin. ‘It’s too quiet.’
‘It’s better than the screech of Charg.’
Benjamin admitted this remark, adding, ‘I don’t think I’m going to sleep, but I have to rest. I’m exhausted.’
‘Me too. Let’s sit here. We’ll have to get our bearings in the morning.’
I collapsed and leant on the backpack, the only thing I’d managed to pick up. How would I break the news to Mahkran? I couldn’t decide which would be worse, telling him that his brother was dead, or writing to inform the prince of Gulreimia. The thought of these duties made me nauseous again.
Benjamin tried to console me. ‘It would have been quick, Connie. He wouldn’t have felt anything.’
I just closed my eyes. There were no words I could string together that made sense. My mind churned, scenes getting mixed up in my head. Some real and some imagined; Coleman clutching a bronze dagger, Evershed turning with a quizzical expression to see the marine plunge the blade into his throat, Ankush tossing the notebook as the Charg’s nightmare tentacles unfurled out of the darkness. Benjamin was babbling, but I wasn’t paying attention. Suddenly I hated him again. This was his fault. He’d brought Private Coleman, and Coleman had brought death with him. I didn’t believe that Lieutenant Benjamin Scott was a traitor, or was responsible for any of the attacks, but he was here, and everything was turning to shit. Ty Rendish was dead and now Ankush. And now I don’t fancy our chances of making it out of here alive.
All these thoughts turned over and over in my head. I had never been this helpless. Even with a bullet in my chest and shrapnel whining through the smoke and dust of bloody Kontepract I had retained some sense of purpose. One thing was abundantly clear, our mission on Ganessa was finished. If I made it back to Illesin, I would tear up the contract. Lockhouse Security would walk away. Harman could whistle for the intelligence on the previous touchdown point, and maybe someone would go in search of it, but it wouldn’t be us. I’ll be amazed if I manage to hold the company together. James and Na-Su didn’t like this job right from the start, and now they’ll blame me for this disaster. Mahkran might walk out too, or maybe his prince would consider their service to me concluded. Ellen…I daren’t think what Ellen would make of this. She was so judgemental, so precise in her own work, I couldn’t bear to see the disappointment on her face.
I woke with a start, momentarily confused as to my whereabouts. The morning had brought a light mist and a chill in the air. As I surfaced, my spirits drooped. Evidently, escape from the Charg and the subsequent whirl of thoughts had exhausted me, and I had slept. My buttocks were cold and numb and my back ached. My calf muscles spasmed as I moved, tight as bowstrings after last night’s abuse.
Benjamin had made a small fire and brewed some tea with the last of his water. The fire was a bad idea, but I was beyond caring. Benjamin handed me a small mug. When I reached for it, I realised that he’d draped his coat over me at some point during the night. I knew the subject was coming up; I couldn’t go on like this, but still I delayed.
‘Why did he kill the naturalist?’
Benjamin gave me a small sad look. ’He was going to kill us all, Connie. You and I were lucky that Ankush got suspicious.’
‘He was going to pick us off one at a time? Was he that good?’
‘Have you checked your backpack?’ Benjamin asked. It seemed like a deviation so it took me by surprise, but I checked all the same. The only thing left in the pack was the rolled up canvas that held the quicklime packets. The dynamite had gone.
‘I know what you put in there. It was full, wasn’t it? But now it’s nearly empty. Evershed probably surprised Coleman while he was stealing your dynamite. Once he had that, he didn’t need to pick us off one-by-one.’
I finally cracked. Benjamin wasn’t working for Nallia. He was trying to help, and so the conversation had to happen, the one that we should have had years ago.
‘Why are you doing this?’ I croaked.
‘Do you really need to ask? After all we’ve been through since we arrived in Lannerville?’
Unable to bear my cramped position any longer, I stood and paced. I wasn’t sure what he meant.
‘Maybe I do need to hear you say it.’
‘I still love you, Connie.’
I thrust the mug in his face, nearly scalding him with the dregs. ‘Not that!’ I shouted, still pushing Benjamin away. I closed my eyes and Ankush’s face came to mind. Fractional surprise as the alien ripped him in half. ‘Not that. Not now. That’s not what I meant. I mean, why are you here?’
Benjamin had his hands up, placating. ‘Alright, Connie. I understand. Like you, I’m here to make sure the Koulomb Gate doesn’t fall into the wrong hands.’
‘Maybe you and I have different ideas as to who “the wrong hands” are.’
‘The Nallians, for one,’ replied Benjamin.
‘At least we agree on that.’
‘Do you believe such a groundbreaking invention should be controlled by one man, Connie?’
I had no answer. Benjamin could see it was something I was already troubled by, but he said nothing as I walked back and forth in silence.
‘Why you?’ I asked, at last. ‘Of all the people the Council could have picked, why did they choose you for this mission?’
Benjamin smiled apologetically. ‘Because of our connection, of course. Chancellor Gordon hoped I would be able to win you over.’
I snorted. ‘Then you’re both deranged; him for believing that being on opposite sides of a court-martial is the basis of a cosy relationship, and you for not pointing out his stupidity!’
‘How can you hold a grudge for so long, Connie?’ Benjamin’s voice was sad. ‘Really, I did all I could. It’s as if you don’t know what really happened.’
‘What is there to know, Mr Scott?’ I snarled, verbally stripping him of his rank. ‘You stood in the dock and pointed at me! You told them the accident was my fault!’
‘It was for your own good.’ He reached his hand out to placate me. I slapped it away.
‘Don’t start that with me. We’ve been over this ground before. There’s nothing you can say to make it good!’
‘That’s just it though, Connie. We’ve never talked about what happened and why. You never gave me a chance. You just put on your toughest armour and pushed me away.’
‘You had your chance when you visited me in prison,’ I pointed out, ‘before the trial.’
‘No.’ Benjamin shook his head. ‘We were on army turf then. It was too dangerous. That’s why I wrote that letter to you, after you’d been discharged.’
I remembered the letter…well some of it anyway.
‘You did read the letter, didn’t you?’
“I know you are angry with me,” the letter had begun, “but I did it to protect you.” I don’t need protecting. I hadn’t wanted anyone’s protection. Since the age of eleven, I had been fighting my own battles, my father always busy, and my mother actually rotting away in a corrosarium. I remembered trying to read the next sentence again and again, trying to focus on it through the rage and the tears that had swamped my eyes.
‘Draxil’s sacred oath,’ breathed Benjamin. ‘You didn’t read it, did you?’
I winced.
‘No wonder you’re still so angry with me. Connie, I need to tell you what was in that letter…why I did what I did. Let me tell you now,’ he pleaded. ‘Hear me out, and if you still feel the the way you do now, I’ll never mention it again. When this is all over, we’ll go our separate ways and I’ll leave you alone, whatever the chancellor or the Council wants from me.’
I looked at him, not trusting myself to speak.
‘You need to know what really happened back in Unaska…why I had to turn you in.’
‘What happened in Unaska was you putting your career before everything, before me.’
‘No, it wasn’t like that. Like I said, I did it to protect you.’
That really made me laugh out loud. ‘Well, thank you for your gentlemanly good conduct! Who were you protecting me from?’
‘Captain Edwards. He’d made big plans to get you killed.’
‘What?’
‘You think it’s easy watching a junior-ranking officer come in and kick your ass all over the place? How many times did you put Edwards on the floor in Souficla classes? You even broke his arm! How much do you think he enjoyed the feeling of his promotion hopes fading, stolen by a slip of a girl, an arrogant one to boot?’
‘Is that really how you think of me?’
‘No, you idiot! That’s what Edwards thought of you, some of the others too. Private Foales, Sergeant Lensky and that arsehole Major Adams.’
‘I could have handled them.’
‘No, Connie, you couldn’t! You see, they weren’t planning any direct confrontation. Sergeant Lensky tampered with the fuses on the grenades you were going to use for training. He rigged them for less than half the usual delay. You and the new recruits would have all been killed or mutilated. I couldn’t let that happen. That’s why the MPs came for you.’
‘You could have shopped Lensky instead of me.’
‘With Major Adams protecting him? Believe me, I tried to think of a way I could make it stick, but Adams had the run of the place. It was his personal fiefdom and it would have been my word against his. He would have had a lot of support from the top-brass. Don’t underestimate the upset you caused, a woman showing up half the men in the army.’
‘So instead you framed me for incompetence.’
‘It was the only way I could stop those grenades being used. The training was set to go ahead, even once you’d been taken in. Edwards and the others had no idea why you’d been replaced. Even if they had known, they would have been happy to sacrifice a few raw recruits if they could pin the blame on you. If they couldn’t kill you, they would have accused you of misconfiguring the ordnance, and of manslaughter.’
‘So, by getting in there early, you saved the lives of those men, as well as mine.’
Benjamin nodded.
‘And you couldn’t tell me that when you visited me in prison.’
‘Are you insane? If that psycho Adams, had ever got wind that I’d sprung you from the trap that he and his cronies had set, he’d have killed both of us! Any conclusive proof that he, or one of his goons had deliberately tampered with the grenades would have got them a firing squad.’
It was too much. My knees buckled, but Benjamin caught me as I slipped to the ground. I had often thought that men don’t love the same way that women do. Sure, we’ve all seen the articles in the news that describe a man making repeated trips into his burning home to rescue his family, and who can gainsay such devotion? But it has always been my impression that when men love, it’s something extra, added on to their foundations, an extension of sorts. Women though… well, it had certainly been different for me with Benjamin. When I finally believed that he loved me, I remade myself anew, foundations and all, using the mortar of our love to bind it all together. Since Benjamin’s apparent betrayal, I’d worked hard to excise my love for him from the fabric of my being. I’d crushed that thing that I’d built into ten-thousand tiny pieces and picked over it until I’d removed every last trace of Benjamin.
For seven years I’d been living a lie. I’m such an idiot! Why was I so stupid as to burn that letter without reading it?
‘I never stopped loving you, Connie,’ he said, softly, and as I looked into his eyes, I knew that he was telling the truth.
Benjamin held me in his arms a long while. He made no stupid moves which was fucking astounding, and anyway wouldn’t have gone well for him. He just held me, and waited for me to find some purchase on this new reality.
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